Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
