whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
