i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
