When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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