u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
