Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
