I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
