last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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