For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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