There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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