I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
