One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
