Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
