so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
