I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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