I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
