i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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