I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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