FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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