I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
