I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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