I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
