If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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