The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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