im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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