Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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