I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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