your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wish my penis had a tongue
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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