I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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