I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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