I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
