so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
