I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
