I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've blown a few things in my day
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
