Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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