he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
