he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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