ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
