Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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