I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
