just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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