shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
