You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I came so hard my ears popped.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize