she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
