Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
