Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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