idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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