i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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