did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
