I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
