I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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