it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
