I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
