So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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