Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
