Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
