I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
