This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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