my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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