so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
