jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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