If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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