I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
