There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize