3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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