drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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