I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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