I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
