So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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