Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
