uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
