My brain says no but my pants say off.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
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I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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