if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Someone came in the potted fern
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
