some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
