I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Boobs are out for the taking
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
