You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
