last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
