Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
