I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just had sex bonerless
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
