It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
