she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
there is glitter all over my balls
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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