All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
