Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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