I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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