Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
