im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
