so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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