there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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